It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize