1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
