You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
