just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
