Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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