your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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