lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
