we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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