Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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