I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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