We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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