Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
