i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
