i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
