the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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