Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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