Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
