wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
