My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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