Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
