I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
