Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she peed on how many people?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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