His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
