I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize