Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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