He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
