nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
