I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
