I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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