he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
