May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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