woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
