Cold hands, warm shart.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
