its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Randomize
