haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
