Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
