Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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