It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
