Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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