I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
