You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
barbara walters just said penis...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
