So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
