Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Every concussion has its silver lining
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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