girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize