My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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