This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
