Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
