i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
