I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
