I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
