he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
