I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize