she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
