he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i already hear my dad disowning me
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
