he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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