You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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