he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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