So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
