Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize