dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
