Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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