No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
