I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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