Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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